Twenty years ago, I wrote a doctoral dissertation on marriage as metaphor — starting with biblical stories of suspicion, betrayal, and broken covenants. I wrote a cute note in the acknowledgments section to my husband thanking him for his support, and noting how my research topic had nothing at all to do with our marriage.

Then came four children and the unreasonable modern demands of family life and my marriage started to fall apart. Picture it this way: anger and disappointment and a mountain of resentment. Then shouting matches, with kids slamming their doors while on phone calls with friends, pretending their parents weren’t fighting again. Three years of couples counseling clarified some things… and made much of it worse.  

Clawing our way back took years. But now, I have the very best life.

I didn’t necessarily think it was a good idea to write about this. Then one day, my writing teacher looked pensive and mused, “I’ve never read a literary memoir about a marriage that reconciled.” Hmmm. Telling the story of falling in love with a person you were already married to? Somebody had better get on that, don’tcha think?

I hold a PhD in Near Eastern Languages and Cultures from UCLA and an MFA in creative nonfiction from Antioch University. I’ve taught at Stanford, the University of San Francisco, and San Francisco State, and I’m a member of the National Book Critics Circle. I still teach periodically at local high schools.

Back when blogging was more of a thing, I enjoyed writing about literature, theater, and film. You can still explore the archives.